Two years ago, almost to the day, God had put me on a path to becoming a better wife–not that I was a horrible wife. God knew that I could be a much better one. Today I would like to share with you some things that changed my marriage from being average to wonderful. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I am still having issues; like rolling my eyes and sometimes my pride rears its ugly head. With God’s help I can overcome them. At the end of my post I will share several links with you and I pray you will take the time to follow them. I think they are great posts/resources that can make all our marriages the way God intended them to be…full of love and respect…
Intimate time…before I give you my own thoughts on it, I want to share Scripture with you:
“For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
~ 1 Corinthians 7:4-5 (emphasis mine)
We live busy lives. We raise children, we run the household, we balance the checkbook, we volunteer our time at the PTA or at church. We even work outside the home. We are too busy or too tired to have time for our husbands. That was my first mistake. I went to bed very early, because I ‘had a headache’ or ‘I was tired’. In all reality I was depriving my husband. Yikes! He wanted me, but I rejected him. Double Yikes!! Denying my husband intimate time is like taking candy from a child. Today, we go together to bed. Sure, some nights I am very tired — so I take a nap…you know, there is nothing better than to fall asleep in the arms of my lover, who strokes my back and kisses my forehead and tells me that he loves me forever and than some…
Respect…I have talked about it several times and I don’t want to bore you too long with it. Respect is the key to his heart – believe me! I tell my Sweetheart how much his provisions mean to me. I bite my tongue if I don’t agree with him. I am not saying that I don’t have my own opinion on things, but I rather think first before I open my mouth.
“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” ~ Proverbs 31:26
Listen…Another point I had to learn. Not that I didn’t listen before…listening means to just let him rant — let off steam. Our men are under a lot of stress in the workplace–from office politics to unfair treatment. I keep quiet during his ‘rant sessions’. When he is done, I usually just tell him that I understand (I do) and that I love him…
His needs first…Yes, we are often stretched thin with our time, but put your man first. Although I don’t have small children to take care off, our son still ‘demands’ time. And I like to do things for myself like reading, blogging or just relaxing. As you might know, we both work. I get up first. I make sure his coffee is ready before I kiss him ‘good morning’. During the time he gets ready, I prepare his coffee thermos, bagel, clean his eye-wear so everything is ready for him before he leaves the home. Yes, his needs before our son’s or my own…
“She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.” ~ Proverbs 31:15
Relaxing…I let my Sweetheart unwind before I bring up projects or talk to him about my concerns…
Communicate…find out the preferred communication tool. My Sweetheart does not like to talk on the phone, so we communicate via email through out the day. That gives him the chance to get back to me when he has the time. Of course emergencies are the exception.
Honesty…When my Sweetheart asks me what I think, I let him know. He can’t read my mind…
Prayer…I pray for my Sweetheart on a daily basis. I pray for his protection, for his health, for wisdom. I ask God to put a hedge around our marriage so we both don’t fall into sin and defile our marriage bed…
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
~ Hebrew 13:4
Fill my own cup…staying in His word is vital to my marriage and my personal well being. He is the only One who can give my wise council on issues I struggle with. I also surround myself with Godly women — reading their books, reading their Blogs and cultivate off-line friendships…
“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.”
~ John 15:4
Last but not least…I tell my Sweetheart what he means to me, and how much I love him — every single day. I do it through my actions and with words of encouragement, love and respect…
I know that the above points are obvious, but I had to learn them. It is not that I didn’t do some of them before, but it was the way I did them. It was my attitude. Before, I might have done them out of obligations as a wife. Today I do them with joy in my heart out of love and respect for God and my Sweetheart…
“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy;at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
~ Psalm 16:11
As I mentioned above, I would like to share some links with you. Two are posts that were written by Godly women on their respective Blogs within days of each other. The first is by Carol titled “She is Happily Married“. The other one is by Lysa TerKeurst titled “Help! I think I’ve misplaced my Sexual Desire“.
When I was visiting Blogs this past Wednesday for WW, I came across a post by Eagles Wings. She had a link posted from Revive your Hearts Ministries — a 30-Day-Husband Encouragement-Challenge. Will you take that challenge with me? The last link I would like to share is a book: Stormie Omartian’s book “Power of a Praying Wife” put me on the path to pray specific prayers for my husband and our marriage…
Oh my – I don’t think I have ever posted a blog this long…I apologize — I just had to share…I hope that some of the points I have made today are helpful to you and your relationship with the man in your life…
Blessings on your day and as always…
All Scripture passages are taken from:
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version © 2001
Thank you, Iris, for sharing your insights. I agree with every one of them~but I also still struggle with them. I’m going to check out your links now.
Blessings to you and thanks for the encouragement.
Thanks for sharing Iris. I’m a single lady who’d like to be married one day and I love to hear/read real experiences about marriage. BTW, I don’t think the post is too long, it’s informative, inspiring and I think very much needed. Thanks for the advice about the CWO blog ring. I’ll definitely add my blog.
God bless
Respect is something I had to work on, and the going to bed to early. For me this involved a job change. When I wasa a pre-school teacher, it took everything from me (mentally and physically) I was negelting my family. When I did the job change it was a whole lot better, my focus was where it should be.
Thank you for your words of wisdom and links.
Your post is lovely, timely, true, needed and very appreciated!
Thanks you for your pearls of wisdome
Iris, these were great insights. Like you said, a lot were pretty much common sense, but as I’ve heard said once before, our common sense is not always our common practice. Thanks for sharing! 🙂 Now, I’ve got to take a look at that “challenge”!
You are a blessing to your husband and to the Lord. Awesome post!
Amen! You have given us a “Lot of food for thought”
Iris I am not so sure I agree with all you do for a good marriage but if it is in the scriptures then I guess I need to do a rethink.
For me my hubby always wakes first and makes my coffee. He never gives me a chance to put him first he is always so quick to take care of me. I do let him know he is loved, respected, appreciated and the blessing of my life. He knows he is on my list before any of the children and I always ask him if he needs anything before I head off on my own thing!
As for going to sleep together, that has always been our way from the beginning. I agree a hubby’s arms make for a great nights sleep!
I will check out your links as I can!
This was not too long! This was a very very good post Iris!!
Thanks!
Christie =)
Wow! Bravo, Iris!
This really reveals your heart, Iris. Thanks for your vulnerability. I know you’ve had some rough times, as we all have, but letting the Word of God speak into our lives works wonders! Praise God you have the wonderful marriage you’ve always wanted now.
When my husband rants, rather than trying to “nurture” him with something like “you poor thing,” and “I understand” (as I would want to hear) I’ve learned to say, “You can handle it” or “It’s no big deal.” That seems to strengthen him better as a man.
My husband makes the coffee in our family (and usually leaves coffee grounds all over the counter, no complaints on my part) which I appreciate. He takes the milk container and shakes it up, then pours bubbly milk on top of my cup like a real latte. Love it. And unlike your dynamic duo, HE’s the phone person. (He insisted I get a cell phone.) I’m the e-mail/face-to-face person. Funny how we’re all different isn’t it? Viva la difference… makes married life much more exciting! I’m sure I’d be less attracted to him if he was just like ME!
Happy early Valentine’s Day. (((Hugs)))
oooh yes I can relate to all you’ve said, I use to struggle with my personality vs my husband’s for many years until God took my control and helped me to submit more in love. Thanks for sharing this *hugs*
Iris-
Thank you so much for posting this. I have been married for 9 years and being a full partner to my husband does not come natural to me. My mom is a staunch feminist who divorced my dad when I was 2 so I don’t have much of an example for how this whole marriage thing should work. I feel like I’m walking around in a dark unfamiliar room and keep stumbling into furniture. Slowly I am learning how to make my way through that room. Luckily my husband is very patient. I appreciate the wisdom that you have shared with those of us who are not as far along in our marriages.
Jennifer
Wonderful post! And definitely not too long. I found myself nodding my head at the points I, too, have learned. Thanks for letting us into your marriage to help us on our journeys!
I really enjoyed reading this post, although it is not always something I wanted to read, it was something I needed to read today! I hope you don’t mind…..I linked your site on my “blog neighbors worth visiting” links. I have really enjoyed reading your posts.
Thanks
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I have been married for 2 years and I love my husband so much and want to be the wife that he needs and wants. I agree with every single word you’ve written.
Although I found this a year and half from its original post – this was WONDERFUL….so relevant to every married woman or any woman hoping to be a better mate to the one that she is devoted to. And I resisted going to bed together FOR SO LONG…now after work separated us for a few months – I appreciate it and cherish it very much. You touched on so many points. May God continue to bless you and your home.
I really needed this.. It is so funny how much we already know this but it seems so hard to follow. Every now and hen we need that reminder of what Christian wife is suppose to do. I don’t why this seems so hard at time but i know God will not put nothing on us we could not bear and being a good wife is something we can handle if we just have faith and love. Thanks so much!
Thank you for writing this for others to read!!!!
Thank you….for posting this. I was told by my marriage counselor that I don’t respect my husband. And, the sad thing about that statement is that we were only in our session for about 20 mins before it was made. I cried like crazy because I never thought that another women would point me out about disrespecting my husband. I am now learning to respect, listen, and effectively communicate with my husband. My husband for years…has been telling me that I don’t respect him and I never listened to him. Until he had an affair on me. I forgave him for the affair but now I pray that he forgives me for disrespecting him for years.